Rejection, ghosting and looking after yourself

Why rejection and silence are so common

Most of hiring happens out of your sight. A popular ad can draw more applicants than anyone could interview, screening software can filter a CV out before a person reads it, and roles get paused, filled internally or restructured away. Plenty of employers only ever contact the people they want to see.

Criteria, a hiring assessment company, surveys job seekers around the world each year. In its 2025 report, of more than 2,000 people, 48% said they were ghosted by an employer in the past year. That is a global figure rather than a New Zealand one, and it shows how common silence from employers has become.

Knowing that doesn't stop a no from hurting, and it's reasonable to feel flat or frustrated afterwards. What helps is a steady way of handling each one, so a single outcome doesn't set the tone for your week.

Asking for feedback

Ask after an interview, when someone has actually formed a view of you. An automated no to an application rarely has anything specific behind it, so let those go. If you interviewed, send one short message within a day or two of the decision:

• Ask once, and offer a five-minute call as an alternative, since some people find it easier to say than to write.
• Say thank you for whatever you get, even if you disagree. It keeps you in good standing for the next vacancy.
• Expect some employers to decline. Some organisations have a policy of not giving detailed feedback to candidates.
• Look for patterns across several processes before acting on any one comment.

Deciding when to move on

Waiting on a reply that may never come takes up room in your head. Following up on a job application gives every application an end point: one short follow-up about a week after you apply, a polite closing note at about three weeks of silence, and then you close it yourself and put your energy into the roles that are still live. You can still apply to that employer again later.

Sometimes moving on means changing the search. If weeks of applications bring no interviews, look at the targeting: the level of role, your CV, and how closely each application answers the ad. If you're getting interviews but no offers, spend the time on interview preparation instead.

Separating effort from outcome

Judging yourself on things you don't control can make a week of good work feel like failure. It helps to split them:

• Yours to control: which roles you choose, how well you tailor each application, following up, preparing for interviews, who you talk to, and looking after yourself.
• Not yours to control: how many people applied, internal candidates, budget freezes, and how quickly anyone replies.

Set weekly goals from the first list, at a level you could keep up for months. At the end of the week, check what you did before you check what came back. A written record shows you the progress on the days when it doesn't feel like there is any.

Routines that help during a long search

A long search takes away the structure that work gave your days. The Mental Health Foundation's Five Ways to Wellbeing are a good frame for rebuilding some of it:

• Connect: keep seeing people, and tell one or two you trust how the search is really going.
• Be active: do what you can, and enjoy what you do. A walk between applications counts.
• Take notice: remember the simple things that give you joy.
• Keep learning: a short course or a new skill also gives you something current to talk about in interviews.
• Give: your time, your words, your presence. Volunteering can also put something recent on your CV.

Practically, set search hours with a finishing time, batch applications and follow-ups into blocks, take days off from checking, and set job alerts so new roles come to you.

When money is the worry

Money stress and job-search stress feed each other, so work out exactly where you stand: savings, income, real weekly costs, and how many weeks that covers. Job hunting on Jobseeker Support covers the rates and what you have to be able to show. Work and Income's Transition to Work Grant can also pay up to $1,500 in a 52-week period, which you don't pay back, towards costs like interview clothes and transport. Call 0800 559 009 to ask what you might be able to get.

When and where to get help

Feeling low, anxious or flat during a long search is an understandable response to a hard situation, and you don't need to wait until things feel bad to talk to someone. Reach out sooner if low mood is sticking around, if it's getting in the way of everyday life, or if you're having thoughts of harming yourself.

Your GP is a good place to start too. If a mental health condition is making work hard to find, Work and Income's Employment Service offers one-on-one help, and you don't need to be on a benefit to use it.

This guide can't diagnose anything or tell you what treatment is right for you. If you're unsure whether what you're feeling is worth a call, you can still call or text 1737 and talk it through.